we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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