Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
