Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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