the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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