I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
