I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
