Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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