My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
