Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
