i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
These tits shall not be calmed
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