end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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