There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
