I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
