I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
