shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
