sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
