i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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