I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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