Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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