The maid of honor just puked.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Panties = found
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
