I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
