The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
