Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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