i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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