the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
