We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
