He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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