names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A+ Viking dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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