I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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