You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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