Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
