i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
