In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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