You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
