I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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