five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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