I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
