This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
