dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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