I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So much rum. So many feels.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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