I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
