I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
