so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to stop coming to work sober
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
