we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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