everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
