yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
