So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
