I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
