Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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