I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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