after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
